Intervention

Stumbled upon this in my wife's mental health resources. Took the time to summarize the article so we can help Bikemonkey deal with his delusions:

1. Help him to admit that he is not an almighty cyclist


2. Drive him to believe that his sanity will be regained when he accepts his mortal cyclist level


3. Encourage him to accept that he will be resorting to sucking our wheel during the ride


4. Assist his efforts to let go of the past and live with his snail-like riding pace


5. Awaken his spirit to acknowledge the dead weight anchor he will be to our team

Bikemonkey: We're here to help, and since quotes are a popular blog tool as of late repeat after Stuart Smalley...
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

Change of pace

Sorry I'm stepping aside from my normal feminine jokes and bashing of you worms, but I got something to say. I was thinking about my life and how it is similar to most everyone elses. At least in the sense that we all tend to follow the same life pattern from childhood-adolesence-H.S/college-family-death. It's so easy to get caught in the same flow of those who have preceded us. I know for me my "Life Stage" was falling into place all on it's own. Don't miss understand me, I'm very happy and love my family deeply. But for me and my own innerpersonal feelings I woke up one day, saw the path I was on and decided to change it. I have tried before, but this time it was different. I made the decision to get in shape, lose some weight and hopefully make cycling a part of my life. Here I am now nine months later and feeling better each day. I accomplished those goals, and now I hope to ride a century. I wanted to say thanks to you guys for your friendship and support in cycling. Cycling has given us that X-factor again. The X-factor is easy when your young, we all naturally have things in common. We go to the same schools, play sports together, part-time jobs, live under the same roof, etc.. As the years pass graduation comes along, paths change and life takes over. It gets to where you only speak a couple times a year (if your lucky), maybe see friends and family every so often by way of a holiday, wedding, or even a funeral. Thanks to cycling that's changed for me. Cycling has brought a breath of fresh air into my life pattern. The future is truly never set, we alter it each day with our decisions. While I know I'm new to cycling, it has been good to me and my family. I thank them for their incredible support. I'm happy to be sharing the "Cycling Years" with you guys. OK, now spit a big lugie on the ground and forget all this girl talk. GET OUT AND RIDE.
Kipedalin'

Ahh yes, the recumbent philosopher. Many a time have I tried to turn the other cheek and try to only draw good from others coarse words but alas I am unable. I feel the need to shoot people in the face who continue to push my buttons or desecrate the way of life I have chosen to lead. We should all try our best to emulate the philosopher L-monities. He is wise and only blogs when he feels the need to rant needlessly about things that no one else will be able to comprehend. He continually takes the verbal abuse of those who do not understand his alternative lifestyle nor his need to make himself available to complete strangers who will forget him long before his days of philosophical coaching are over. As he reclines he does not take a moment for his family or friends but maintains his concentration on the task at hand and insures that he is in constant communication with those who could not give a rats ass if he is there or not. This takes great dedication and purpose to be the guy who always gives and takes little for himself. Not since the films of prison sex, have I seen someone take it like this guy. We could only hope to have a percentage of the dedication it must take to always be there for everyone else and take little time for the events that will have the most meaning in the twilight years. My father once told me that "a measure of a man is not what he does today but the legacy he leaves behind", not how people perceive you now but how they emulate you after you are gone. Life is short and when all is said and done the only ones left are the family you have made, the family that is picked for you by birth, and the friends that you have chosen along the way, all others are only speed bumps. Take time to make memories with those who mean the most to you and less time to those who only take from you! This has been an uplifting moment with Dr. Bikemonkey, keep the rubber side down and remember that when using the public urinals "don't eat the big white mint".

Past Life

Nice work professor Bodhidharma, I couldn't help but notice the truth of your inner self screaming out of the poster you created. I had suspicions that you were really a soldier at heart. I have been hanging on to this photo for some time, wasn't sure what the connection was. Now it all makes sense, it was you in your past life. Sorry you did not make it out of the Nam. Once a hippie always a hippie. The agony your soul must carry having brought violence and destruction to a place of prayer and meditation. Those poor innocent victims. Must say, it seems contradictory to your life now. Promoting WAR and the destruction of NATURE. How dare you post a photo of Mother Nature being tortured and burned by repeated bombings and intrusive human behavior.
I am appalled at the guy who is just trampling the grass with his bike, as if there is nothing going on around him. Isn't there more important things going on other than "dude can you refill my drink". I hope I never have to depend on that guy for a century ride. D-lish have you no heart. Are your feelings for W really a hidden agenda to get another Democrat in office to perform the "Dead End Alley" approach to our modern era problems.

Busy as a Lee-ver

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that" She says, "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
We all go through life with vices, some (as a friend of mine put it) like to smoke, chew, drink, and of course who doesn’t like some good ole porn. However, others seem to suffer from their own unique vice. Speed, OCD, over analyzing the system are a few, but the one L-$ suffers from is BFCSN syndrome. BFCSN or Big Fish Can’t Say No is found most commonly as a side effect of CPAB (can’t pedal a bike). Its common knowledge that L-$ has CPAB, this would explain his many extra years in the classroom in hopes of reviving that big fish on campus feeling… Dude your almost 40, leave it to the kids, why rob them of that title. What’s next? Summer camp, the boy scouts, girls soccer, is there no institution safe. Watch out all those who approach the ice cream truck...
It’s good however, to see that with your busy schedule you have found some (me) time, of course most of us call it sleep. Do your nightmares consist of sitting on the beach all alone, sipping on a drink and taking in the sunset?
I do worry that your short to the point, very infrequent posts on the blog may be a reflection of your abilities in the nookie chamber. Does the wife suffer from the same sense of dissatisfaction we have grown to know. Maybe instead on L-$ you should be the minuteman.
Here are a few suggestions for your lifestyle that might help out. Have you checked into the 25 x30” post-its? Shortening game lengths to allow you to coach more games per day is a must. Ever thought of looking at your life as if it’s always rush hour, might look around you, nothings moving, pull over and take a break.
It’s never a game when your winning. G.C.
Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all it’s students. R.W.
Oh, that way madness lies: let me shun that. W.S.
Whoop there it is, now get out and pedal
Kipedalin’

You are not forgotten!

"For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe." - Larry Eisenberg

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." - Unknown

T-BIRD PRIDE

I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious.
Vince Lombardi

The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.
Vince Lombardi

Setting the weight straight. I demand a recount

Well I see you guys are all fun and games ha ha ha. Lets make fun of the fat guy, the one who says, "golly gee, look at them there cars go fast". I'll have you know that ass flattening, belly bloating, and carb loading are crucial parts in cycling success. If it were not for the endless hours of meaningless watching of cars go in circles, I would not have the mental strength to handle the boredom of watching mile after mile go by on the bike. (Some of us do not get the same time consuming satisfaction as bikemonkey does when watching or being watched by another man.) Not to mention the toughening up of the ass to handle the saddle jammed up in there. (Once again only the most elite riders find arousal from repetitive saddle to sphincter contact.) The belly is a must as it is essential to absorbing road vibration to the body. It also serves as energy replacement, no hammer gel for me. And then finally carb loading....well enough said, you mollycoddle pudden-heads know endurance riding requires carbs. Yes I consumed my fair share, it was race and vacation weekend. A time for myself to fully over load with brauts, beer (carbs), peanuts, fumes, and the occasional booger (that piece of dried mucus stubbornly clinging to the inside of your nose) I couldn't seem to fling at someone. Knowing that I have become more or less immortal over the winter, I felt it only fair to soften my self up. My hopes are for you minor-league elfenfolk to retain some sense of significance.
Can you feel it?? Oh baby. GET OUT AND RIDE. Sat Aug 28, 2007 Osage ride 72 miles... Still have room for one more hint hint, L-$...
Kipedalin'

Enough with the excuses

I know the truth to why you guys are not really getting the mileage in you need. So, I put together something that will hopefully help. If this does not work, then threaten to take away the picture of my butt they have in their purse, glove box, medicine cabinet, refrigerator, and other unknown locations.