Top Ten Reasons that D-Lish and L-Money won't Write on the Blog

10. The size of their Cranks does not allow for an efficient cadence.

9. Their Stems are too short for proper riding position.

8. Their wives cannot straddle their top tubes.

7. The circumference of their Q/R skewers is inadequate for hole size.

6. Their cables can only stretch so far causing unsatisfying shifts for other riders.

5. The misalignment of their chains causes improper mating (of surfaces)

4. Their threadless head tube leaves the rider longing for readjustment.

3. After riding their handlebar for several hours, their palms go numb.

2. After only a few ours in the saddle they forget to resuscitate dying testicle tissue with a slapping motion and must be hospitalized for testicular torsions more commonly known as dead scrote bag!

1. Their nipples tend to strip out under hard cranking conditions.

Power Riding With The Family

I forgot to mention that all mileage to this point has been attained in this configuration due to a lack of babysitters in my area and Tyler is an excellent coach. The trailer sometimes works as a wind sail but you have to just muscle through that. Only real men can train with kids attached. I will be using this rig for the HTH in order to slow my speed down enough for you all to keep up especially the racers if they attend. I would hate to smoke them too. D-Lish you can think of hugging trees and saving endangered mountain grass while you ride. L-money, you can think of new plays and work out your thesis while you are climbing hills and Kipedelin, you can think of new ways to branch out and open new locations in Guatemala during a raging downhill ride. Get out and meditate men. You only have a few months to prepare for the most fun you can have with your clothes on. I will do all I can to bring every last man through the 100 mile finish but I can only slow my own pace just so much before I have to start adding dead weight, Maybe if I have one of Kipedalin's famous burritos before the ride, it will force you all to stay in front of me and not fall off the pace in fear of 3rd degree burns from the raging inferno that will erupt from my ass. Yes I think these are all good plans and I will incorporate them into the pre-race motivational seminars in the weeks to come. Take care and don't let your meat loaf. Also Kipedalin, I am full of crap most of the time but you know me well enough to know that. It is up to you to see which things can and cannot be proven. I do not however embellish the truth when it comes to mileage since the truth comes out in the next ride. If you fall off the pace, I will know that you were full of pucky. No pressure and have a Marine Corps Day!!!!! Slackers!!!!!

T-Rod's new ride

Gentlemen, may I introduce our latest edition to the two wheel crew. Tyler (age 2) has mastered the throttle on his 20 mph pocket rocket. He is slowly gettting the hang of balance and will soon be kicking all of our butts. He cannot quite pedal yet but this is a good start for physical dexdarity. I will see if he can be the pace vehicle for our big event. Mileage for the week is 198 with 3 days to go with hail and tornadoes in the forecast for the weekend. Neither rain nor snow, nor Kipedalin's fat ass will keep me indoors. I also logged about 5 miles on the back of tyler's sweet 1/2 of a crotch rocket. I may convert to pocket bike racing.

Logo version 3.7

Take two

Never fear Super Kipedalin' is here.

Faster than a tongue twisted blogging fool. Able to leap mounds of manure in a single bound. Stronger than 3 turd wanna be's. It's a bird, It's a plane, no it's Kipedalinman. No worries mates, I see while the cats away the mice will play. Well I'm back and more ready to go than a wedding cock. Lucky for you guys I have some better things to play with tonight. Momma said I was not allowed to go out to play tonight. One quick thing. Once a tubby always a tubby. Your just jealous of my name naturally fitting together with cycling.
Names: Monkey butt, I don't know how about chunky butt, funky butt, punky butt, non-hunky butt, gunky butt, JUNKY butt, clunky butt, bunky butt, flunky butt, trunky butt, stumpy butt, lumpy butt, clumpy butt, drunky butt, and of course cum butt.

Team Logo

What do you think? Give me some feedback so I can make this better (I am a graphic design hack so I need the help).

Obituary

Kipedalin's cycling career abruptly ended some time between April 12th and 17th. After 51 days and just over a thousand miles, the cycling pursuit vanished mysteriously between Missouri and Texas. Authorities sent out search and rescue to try to use their dog team to locate the cyclist. Knowing better than to look for the cyclist at actual riding events, the experts hunted elsewhere. Unfortunately, the dogs could not pick up a scent of the trash talking, feminine hygiene humor Kipedalin' usually left behind. It is rumored the cause of death may have been Red Neck Syndrome (symptoms: enlarged belly from cerveza intake, enlarged gluteus maximus from sitting in bleachers, loss of hearing from extreme decibel exposure to vehicle engine and exhaust noise, uncontrolled neck movement - usually left to right). Kipedalin' is survived by Bikemonkey and D-Lish, whose bikes don't just sit in a dusty basement, and LaMoney who is currently estranged from riding. Family requests contributions be made to the Society for Dealing with Fat Necks.

Just wanted to see if anyone else had anything like this laying around. See if you can identify the stud on the far right and oh yea! the guy in the middle you might recognize too. While Kipedelin is drinking beer and sucking up to anyone he can to get pit passes, I am putting in the mileage in less then perfect weather conditions. D-Lish, your reference to changing my name to Monkey Butt is entrigueing. I believe that if I am to change my name to something more in line with my persona, then all of you must do the same. Here are some good ideas. There is nonthing delicious about you nor do you have game with the ladies, therefore you might change your name to D-Foliage which in some indian dialects means "he who hugs the trees". L-Money should more appropriately be called L-broke which in some far eastern dialects means "aint got no damn money" since I use this phrase to describe myself at least once a week. And then there is Kipedalin formerly known as Tubby, which believes that he is no longer tubby and is a continuous pedaler. We know that these statements are false since his neck still resembles a michelin tire and he pedals only enough to keep up with those breaking wind for him as he rides at the back of a large pack of cyclist. To be more appropriate he should change his name to Tampion, which in Hindi means "he who supplies the tampons or lord of the tampons. These ideas may help you guys find your real identities and live a fuller and more realistic life. Always embrace who you are and use statements to describe yourself that show your true inner being. I must now meditate and burn insense but no yoga, I will leave that to D-Foliage. Have you hugged your tree today??? Get busy slackers!!!!