Saddle sore prepping

bikemonkey and d-lish were so worried about the century ride and the effect it would have on their butts, that they decided to shack up together before the ride. Hope you two weren't reviewing the power point together. Or even worse coaching each other with proper riding techniques. Oh well, if you were I hope you used plenty of chamois butter. ONE DAY AND A WAKE UP.... HHH here we come. This is almost like a dream it doesn't seem possible that were actually getting ready to do this.
Kel- Wish you could have made it, maybe next year. Who knows maybe you could even ride.

Kipedalin'

Excuses Excuses guess were camping

Everyone should know that our rooms were suppose to be taken care of many moons ago. But as usual, bikemonkey fell of the back and did not come through. Do not be fooled however, this was part of his game plan all along. Bikemonkey was hopeful that by not providing us a place to stay we would be unable to make the ride, thus allowing him the opportunity to stay home and take care of Tyler while enjoying the newly acquired lap dog. During his calgon, tampax, Oprah filled day, the true alpha male in the family would be out shopping, calling every so often to ensure that laundry and dinner were being taken care of also. Well pal, no such luck. You will be pedaling right along side of us. No matter how many back in the day stories you tell or trophies you adorn your weakling pathetic self will be there sucking wheel. Sure, you can continue to think that making a soft core power point presentation qualifies you to ride the HHH. The reality is, it only allowes us the opportuinity to laugh and make fun of your shiny red hinee. I hope you realize this is a family event this weekend, there are no full moons allowed. Better bring along your sport legs, fast twitch, and any other old fart drugs you can think of.

5 Days and a wake up

Hard to imagine the ride is nearly here. We have been at this so long that some of you have taken on new careers. It does however seem like a drastic measure when one takes a job which require his or her absence from the ride. We wouldn't call you a weakling rider, at least not to your face. Lucky for bikemonkey he can always look in the mirror to see a true weakling.
I found some lyrics D-lish might like " One bourbon, one beer, one ride".
Kipedalin

The dropped one

It may feel as if you are the only one here. That's due to your own, how do you say, lackluster attempt at cycling over all. Your feeble attempts at cycling remind me of that last turd swirling around the porcelain disposing chamber. You know the one that spins around and around and around until finally the water goes down and it disappears into the dark abyss. You think its gone when suddenly it pops back into view as the water refills. You think to yourself, "damn it, now I have to perform a re-flush." In your case you are the turd on a bike and I'm flushing for one last time. Bye Bye little turd (there goes bikemonkey off the back).
The true story is that the only thing you could keep alive is the gap between you and the leaders. The only reason you have been able to keep active posting on the blog is your daily addiction to saddlesoregaycyclists.com. We all know you get bored during that 5 minutes of refueling your limp worn out repugnant yogurt flinging kangaroo pounder.
As for now take your little juice pills, go out and enjoy the blowing you get from mother nature, enjoy your tea party attempts at group rides. The truth is you suck, you have always sucked, and you will continue to suck no matter how hard you train. I'm happy to be the one to break it to you that you were actually born a girl. Wee-flicky there was an after thought sewn on by some shroomed out surgeon.
Kipedalin'

Dropped Off the Radar

Well all you lazy individuals, I guess it takes too much effort to get on the computer and write a few words to keep this alive. Just as I thought, Cycling is only important when it is convenient to your alternative lifestyles. I will continue to throw darts and give the true story on all events such as Kipedalin's less than stellar showing in Springfield and D-Lish's lackluster attempt at road racing. Am I the only one here fighting the signs of aging by riding my bike like I stole it? I think I am going to smash you both on the HTH to bring back the realization that you need to train in order to ride with the big boys. I am on the juice as of last night and I will tell you how huge and fast I get after the first week. I think it is legal but who the hell cares right, it didn't stop the pro's. I will write more later as you will probably not read this anyway until your wives let you have your genitals back! Later slackers!!!!!!

Cheeseburger and fries please!!!!

Stronger? Whatever, the only thing getting stronger is the smell of man goo coming from your butt. Hoo rah, yes drill Sgt, I like it I love it I want more of it. Now as for you getting dropped on the long rides...Well there minute man, I think the wife is the one who needs a hug. Imagine being married to to someone with the stamina of a 15 yr old pubescent boy. Here's a thought, try not starting out so hard. Take the slow approach and when you get good and warmed up accelerate the pace until you explode.

The Vagina Cat., sure it's a new category, and maybe I do belong to it. I stand here erect and proud before one and all to announce that I am proud to be the head of the Vagina Category.

Finally, you sissy's better be ready Freddy, cause I ain't waitin on no bacon. I say let's do dis like brutis. Pull up your hearse cause I'm comin in first.

kipedalin'

What? am I the only one here?

You guys suck, just because you have lives does not mean that you can ignore the call of the blog. I just got off a group ride of 43 miles with an average speed of 21.4 mph with a 27 mph headwind to the south. Lets just say that the ride home was a lot more fun. I am getting stronger but still have the problem of getting dropped on the longer rides. I am not used to this and need a hug! I am looking at training adjustments to make me as strong in the long rides as I am in the 40-50 minute crits. For some reason I can match a sprint but not a slow acceleration on a longer ride. At last weeks road race, my team manager and myself started hard and chased a group of riders that tried to get off the front, however when I needed a rest from pulling him and the field up to the breakaway, my team manager pulled away from me and worried about his own self interest rather than helping me keep pace and possibly later pulling him to victory. I guess you don't know who is on your side until the cash prizes are handed out. As for Kipedalin, he has just joined a new category that is better suited for his riding style. This season the USCF has developed a category for the cycling challenged called the vagina category and is mainly made up of old blue haired women and men who do not feel secure enough about their manhood to shave their legs. The distances for each race is calculated by average amount of estrogen in each competitor. The percentage of estrogen is then converted to time required before the vagina stops hurting. This is all calculated into distance and times. To learn more about the new categories, log onto tampax.com with the username (myvaginahurts). With the tour in full swing you will see more posers on the roads so beware of their lack of bike handling skills and the massive amounts of Lance Armstrong bracelets getting caught in your wheels. With that I will retire to a fat bowl of ice cream and pushing out a grumpy before I hit the sack. Remember that "I am the best there is and there is no doubt about it". "I am just a big hairy american winning machine". I will see you all on the podium. OUT!!!!!!