Dropped Off the Radar

Well all you lazy individuals, I guess it takes too much effort to get on the computer and write a few words to keep this alive. Just as I thought, Cycling is only important when it is convenient to your alternative lifestyles. I will continue to throw darts and give the true story on all events such as Kipedalin's less than stellar showing in Springfield and D-Lish's lackluster attempt at road racing. Am I the only one here fighting the signs of aging by riding my bike like I stole it? I think I am going to smash you both on the HTH to bring back the realization that you need to train in order to ride with the big boys. I am on the juice as of last night and I will tell you how huge and fast I get after the first week. I think it is legal but who the hell cares right, it didn't stop the pro's. I will write more later as you will probably not read this anyway until your wives let you have your genitals back! Later slackers!!!!!!

Cheeseburger and fries please!!!!

Stronger? Whatever, the only thing getting stronger is the smell of man goo coming from your butt. Hoo rah, yes drill Sgt, I like it I love it I want more of it. Now as for you getting dropped on the long rides...Well there minute man, I think the wife is the one who needs a hug. Imagine being married to to someone with the stamina of a 15 yr old pubescent boy. Here's a thought, try not starting out so hard. Take the slow approach and when you get good and warmed up accelerate the pace until you explode.

The Vagina Cat., sure it's a new category, and maybe I do belong to it. I stand here erect and proud before one and all to announce that I am proud to be the head of the Vagina Category.

Finally, you sissy's better be ready Freddy, cause I ain't waitin on no bacon. I say let's do dis like brutis. Pull up your hearse cause I'm comin in first.

kipedalin'

What? am I the only one here?

You guys suck, just because you have lives does not mean that you can ignore the call of the blog. I just got off a group ride of 43 miles with an average speed of 21.4 mph with a 27 mph headwind to the south. Lets just say that the ride home was a lot more fun. I am getting stronger but still have the problem of getting dropped on the longer rides. I am not used to this and need a hug! I am looking at training adjustments to make me as strong in the long rides as I am in the 40-50 minute crits. For some reason I can match a sprint but not a slow acceleration on a longer ride. At last weeks road race, my team manager and myself started hard and chased a group of riders that tried to get off the front, however when I needed a rest from pulling him and the field up to the breakaway, my team manager pulled away from me and worried about his own self interest rather than helping me keep pace and possibly later pulling him to victory. I guess you don't know who is on your side until the cash prizes are handed out. As for Kipedalin, he has just joined a new category that is better suited for his riding style. This season the USCF has developed a category for the cycling challenged called the vagina category and is mainly made up of old blue haired women and men who do not feel secure enough about their manhood to shave their legs. The distances for each race is calculated by average amount of estrogen in each competitor. The percentage of estrogen is then converted to time required before the vagina stops hurting. This is all calculated into distance and times. To learn more about the new categories, log onto tampax.com with the username (myvaginahurts). With the tour in full swing you will see more posers on the roads so beware of their lack of bike handling skills and the massive amounts of Lance Armstrong bracelets getting caught in your wheels. With that I will retire to a fat bowl of ice cream and pushing out a grumpy before I hit the sack. Remember that "I am the best there is and there is no doubt about it". "I am just a big hairy american winning machine". I will see you all on the podium. OUT!!!!!!

New Machine Brings a New Man

After a short conversation with the Kipedalin this morning, I realized that one of our brotheren had purchased a new ride. All shiny and neat with campagnolo from the head to the feet. Will he ride with reckless abandon or will he crash like a bad plane landin. We will all watch in amazement as he rolls out his new steed, will he lead from the front or will he ride with great heed. The machine light as a feather, but a great engine he will need to break through the weather. At the end we will see if it's show or go , this man they call D-Lish of the town of Durango!!!!!!

Recumbent

I have decided that my style of riding is better suited for the recumbent category. I doubt Bikemonkey's toy copter has aero advantages as good as my bike.

poopus of the mouthus

Ok Mr. wee flickie, you and what Army? Once again my absence allows you the opportunity to finish one place higher. Just think if you were not so busy counting haybails, and raising your flag pole in observation of the sundresses you would have probably won. Of course you may not have enjoyed yourself so much. My last race was in O'fallen Mo. I raced as a cat 4. It was raining like crazy and I crashed out. I am now officially listed as one of those riders who has crashed, not one who will. I will be racing a criterium in Baldwin City, Ks this saturday. A wise man once said, He who pulls in garage with bike on car finishes 2nd to last, last is he who no ride bike.
Kipedalin

Austin Texas Criterium

Ahh! the sweet smell of a fresh morning shower during a criterium on downtown city streets with 48 other guys trying to push you into the haybails. It was a great weekend of racing in Austin and the honey's were all out in their sun dresses. I got 13th out of 48 in the early morning race of Cat 5 racers only and got 15th out of 67 riders with the Cat 4s and 5s in the second race. Not too bad for an old fart on a comeback. Very fast pace with several wipeouts. I will send pictures when the sister gets them sent to me. Hope your training is going well and I will see you all in Dallas for the good ole fashioned butt whoopin.