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race info

Hey Eric,

I know Kip can't read this through the fog of his diabetic coma induced by twinkies and cheetos so maybe you can interpret for him.

To find the scoop on racing in CO and NM, email Lance at:
webster@centurytel.net

Doug

First race...

My first race is on the calendar, http://www.monticelloutah.org/bmct/bmctinfo.html. You guys probably can't even turn your calendars because you're so fat and out of shape. I had 33 miles today while you cupcakes put on 33 pounds. Good luck with diabetes, fatties.

Don't let go

Well, if any of you peepee touchers are still alive, I wanted you to know that my spin classes with the ladies are going just fine. I will be moving to CAT 4 early next season to chase the next dream. The off season training consists of lots of bad food and naps. I think this will pay off in the long run. I won't have the Calve definition of L-Money but who cares, at least I use mine. D-Lish is trying to ride in the off season but I still have not figured out how he got the snow tires on the new pro bike. Kipedalin keeps saying that he is going to hit it hard at the beginning of next month but next month is now going to be March so he is not going to be a factor. Keep it up ladies because the Alp Duez will not take prisoners. We have very little time to prepare and a lifetime to give each other shit for getting dropped on the big one. Hugs and kisses girls!!!!

Bikemonkey

Don

Another blog...

If you guys are still around... Here is a link to our local club's blog. Nice pictures from our last cyclocross race - I don't know if I am ready to ride cross yet, but it is fun to watch.

http://ciclistasdelrio.blogspot.com/

D-lish

If only...

he had a navigator to show him through the race course --- he might be able to see the real riders finish. Who let the lost boy fly a helicopter?

I think we all know what this means. I won't belaber the point that the old man in the group smoked you with two cramped legs and a tampon inserted at the end of a 1oo mile ride. Hauling too much ass hollaran better lay off the fire house food, Kipedalin better find that gear he had in high school and the rest of you poor slobs better quit admiring your large calves because this little skinny shit just layed down the heat. I'm so fast I hurt right now. Anyway, after days of recover and rehabilitation, I am up and walking around again. Still riding in hopes that the last race of my season will bring me the win that has eluded me for some 15 years. I hope you all had a great time because I have not had this much fun with my clothes on for years. I really hope that we all make an effort to have this on our calenders each year for a time to get together and give each other shit for the lives we lead and how we all know better about everything. I believe that Kipedalin and I will have the accomodations down to a science by next year. Take care all and I will not let this blog die easily so keep writing. Don't let your meat loaf and take care of yourselves.

Peace out!!!! Bikemonkey.

Smoked 'em

I'm pretty sure we whooped all of these people. Now that we survived hell, we have to decide what's next...

Thanks for a great ride everyone.

D-Lish

Saddle sore prepping

bikemonkey and d-lish were so worried about the century ride and the effect it would have on their butts, that they decided to shack up together before the ride. Hope you two weren't reviewing the power point together. Or even worse coaching each other with proper riding techniques. Oh well, if you were I hope you used plenty of chamois butter. ONE DAY AND A WAKE UP.... HHH here we come. This is almost like a dream it doesn't seem possible that were actually getting ready to do this.
Kel- Wish you could have made it, maybe next year. Who knows maybe you could even ride.

Kipedalin'

Excuses Excuses guess were camping

Everyone should know that our rooms were suppose to be taken care of many moons ago. But as usual, bikemonkey fell of the back and did not come through. Do not be fooled however, this was part of his game plan all along. Bikemonkey was hopeful that by not providing us a place to stay we would be unable to make the ride, thus allowing him the opportunity to stay home and take care of Tyler while enjoying the newly acquired lap dog. During his calgon, tampax, Oprah filled day, the true alpha male in the family would be out shopping, calling every so often to ensure that laundry and dinner were being taken care of also. Well pal, no such luck. You will be pedaling right along side of us. No matter how many back in the day stories you tell or trophies you adorn your weakling pathetic self will be there sucking wheel. Sure, you can continue to think that making a soft core power point presentation qualifies you to ride the HHH. The reality is, it only allowes us the opportuinity to laugh and make fun of your shiny red hinee. I hope you realize this is a family event this weekend, there are no full moons allowed. Better bring along your sport legs, fast twitch, and any other old fart drugs you can think of.

5 Days and a wake up

Hard to imagine the ride is nearly here. We have been at this so long that some of you have taken on new careers. It does however seem like a drastic measure when one takes a job which require his or her absence from the ride. We wouldn't call you a weakling rider, at least not to your face. Lucky for bikemonkey he can always look in the mirror to see a true weakling.
I found some lyrics D-lish might like " One bourbon, one beer, one ride".
Kipedalin

The dropped one

It may feel as if you are the only one here. That's due to your own, how do you say, lackluster attempt at cycling over all. Your feeble attempts at cycling remind me of that last turd swirling around the porcelain disposing chamber. You know the one that spins around and around and around until finally the water goes down and it disappears into the dark abyss. You think its gone when suddenly it pops back into view as the water refills. You think to yourself, "damn it, now I have to perform a re-flush." In your case you are the turd on a bike and I'm flushing for one last time. Bye Bye little turd (there goes bikemonkey off the back).
The true story is that the only thing you could keep alive is the gap between you and the leaders. The only reason you have been able to keep active posting on the blog is your daily addiction to saddlesoregaycyclists.com. We all know you get bored during that 5 minutes of refueling your limp worn out repugnant yogurt flinging kangaroo pounder.
As for now take your little juice pills, go out and enjoy the blowing you get from mother nature, enjoy your tea party attempts at group rides. The truth is you suck, you have always sucked, and you will continue to suck no matter how hard you train. I'm happy to be the one to break it to you that you were actually born a girl. Wee-flicky there was an after thought sewn on by some shroomed out surgeon.
Kipedalin'

Dropped Off the Radar

Well all you lazy individuals, I guess it takes too much effort to get on the computer and write a few words to keep this alive. Just as I thought, Cycling is only important when it is convenient to your alternative lifestyles. I will continue to throw darts and give the true story on all events such as Kipedalin's less than stellar showing in Springfield and D-Lish's lackluster attempt at road racing. Am I the only one here fighting the signs of aging by riding my bike like I stole it? I think I am going to smash you both on the HTH to bring back the realization that you need to train in order to ride with the big boys. I am on the juice as of last night and I will tell you how huge and fast I get after the first week. I think it is legal but who the hell cares right, it didn't stop the pro's. I will write more later as you will probably not read this anyway until your wives let you have your genitals back! Later slackers!!!!!!

Cheeseburger and fries please!!!!

Stronger? Whatever, the only thing getting stronger is the smell of man goo coming from your butt. Hoo rah, yes drill Sgt, I like it I love it I want more of it. Now as for you getting dropped on the long rides...Well there minute man, I think the wife is the one who needs a hug. Imagine being married to to someone with the stamina of a 15 yr old pubescent boy. Here's a thought, try not starting out so hard. Take the slow approach and when you get good and warmed up accelerate the pace until you explode.

The Vagina Cat., sure it's a new category, and maybe I do belong to it. I stand here erect and proud before one and all to announce that I am proud to be the head of the Vagina Category.

Finally, you sissy's better be ready Freddy, cause I ain't waitin on no bacon. I say let's do dis like brutis. Pull up your hearse cause I'm comin in first.

kipedalin'

What? am I the only one here?

You guys suck, just because you have lives does not mean that you can ignore the call of the blog. I just got off a group ride of 43 miles with an average speed of 21.4 mph with a 27 mph headwind to the south. Lets just say that the ride home was a lot more fun. I am getting stronger but still have the problem of getting dropped on the longer rides. I am not used to this and need a hug! I am looking at training adjustments to make me as strong in the long rides as I am in the 40-50 minute crits. For some reason I can match a sprint but not a slow acceleration on a longer ride. At last weeks road race, my team manager and myself started hard and chased a group of riders that tried to get off the front, however when I needed a rest from pulling him and the field up to the breakaway, my team manager pulled away from me and worried about his own self interest rather than helping me keep pace and possibly later pulling him to victory. I guess you don't know who is on your side until the cash prizes are handed out. As for Kipedalin, he has just joined a new category that is better suited for his riding style. This season the USCF has developed a category for the cycling challenged called the vagina category and is mainly made up of old blue haired women and men who do not feel secure enough about their manhood to shave their legs. The distances for each race is calculated by average amount of estrogen in each competitor. The percentage of estrogen is then converted to time required before the vagina stops hurting. This is all calculated into distance and times. To learn more about the new categories, log onto tampax.com with the username (myvaginahurts). With the tour in full swing you will see more posers on the roads so beware of their lack of bike handling skills and the massive amounts of Lance Armstrong bracelets getting caught in your wheels. With that I will retire to a fat bowl of ice cream and pushing out a grumpy before I hit the sack. Remember that "I am the best there is and there is no doubt about it". "I am just a big hairy american winning machine". I will see you all on the podium. OUT!!!!!!

New Machine Brings a New Man

After a short conversation with the Kipedalin this morning, I realized that one of our brotheren had purchased a new ride. All shiny and neat with campagnolo from the head to the feet. Will he ride with reckless abandon or will he crash like a bad plane landin. We will all watch in amazement as he rolls out his new steed, will he lead from the front or will he ride with great heed. The machine light as a feather, but a great engine he will need to break through the weather. At the end we will see if it's show or go , this man they call D-Lish of the town of Durango!!!!!!

Recumbent

I have decided that my style of riding is better suited for the recumbent category. I doubt Bikemonkey's toy copter has aero advantages as good as my bike.

poopus of the mouthus

Ok Mr. wee flickie, you and what Army? Once again my absence allows you the opportunity to finish one place higher. Just think if you were not so busy counting haybails, and raising your flag pole in observation of the sundresses you would have probably won. Of course you may not have enjoyed yourself so much. My last race was in O'fallen Mo. I raced as a cat 4. It was raining like crazy and I crashed out. I am now officially listed as one of those riders who has crashed, not one who will. I will be racing a criterium in Baldwin City, Ks this saturday. A wise man once said, He who pulls in garage with bike on car finishes 2nd to last, last is he who no ride bike.
Kipedalin

Austin Texas Criterium

Ahh! the sweet smell of a fresh morning shower during a criterium on downtown city streets with 48 other guys trying to push you into the haybails. It was a great weekend of racing in Austin and the honey's were all out in their sun dresses. I got 13th out of 48 in the early morning race of Cat 5 racers only and got 15th out of 67 riders with the Cat 4s and 5s in the second race. Not too bad for an old fart on a comeback. Very fast pace with several wipeouts. I will send pictures when the sister gets them sent to me. Hope your training is going well and I will see you all in Dallas for the good ole fashioned butt whoopin.